I’m listening world! I’m heading back to my cave and I’m not coming out until July!
Today I headed into Edinburgh for a talk at the Traverse by Rhona Munro on ‘Surviving Film & Television’. Due to finish at 5:30pm, the smarty-pants among you will realise that I’m writing this just before 5pm which does not bode well.
I say, I ‘headed’ into Edinburgh but Edinburgh didn’t want me so it spat me out and sent me home early. After missing Adrian Mead’s seminar a week ago I was really looking forward to this talk, so I headed off early, A to Z (just in case) – check, notebook – check, parking money – check. But, alas, due to some giant marathon race or something, all 4 entrances to the city that I tried were closed, and no diversions were in place – in fact no information was available for drivers at all. This led to a number of us attempting 13-point turns in busy traffic – it was either that or career into barriers, taking out swans (at one scenic location) with us. So then I found a quiet spot to consult the trusty A to Z to find an alternative route, but oh no, it was fully ‘road-worked’ with a tailback the size of the Great Wall of China. Next, I thought hmm think crafty, go back out to Kinnaird Park, dump the car and get a bus! Yes! Park and ride! No. I got out to the main junction to discover that there was a nearby accident, with traffic at a standstill so that the emergency vehicles could weave their way through traffic – have you ever been left stationary in the exact middle of a busy junction crossroads where you’re trying to give way to police cars, which the drivers behind you can’t see so are therefore sounding their frustration? Fun, I can tell you.
And then, when finally as the big hand crept towards 3pm making me really officially totally unscrewably LATE, the juggernaut lorry that was 2 cars in front me began looking strange. Once I’d twigged that the strangeness was due to some erratic wobbling of one of the passenger-side wheels, it was too late. Few yards down the road and said giant wheel detached itself entirely, bounced up the inside verge, gathering some useful momentum, and rolled at speed back into the traffic (ie – ME) across the road, missing us (thankfully) by about 3 inches. It settled down blocking the road. Lorry-man parked, jumped out and set to rolling his wheel back over to his lorry, without a word.
Once I got over the hyperventilating, I drove home.
Sorry Rhona, I bet it was amazing. Maybe next year but can you try for a different month. J**e is now officially banned.